


Friends Without Benefits

by my_mad_fatuation



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae and Finn are online friends, but maybe Rae wants to be more than friends…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends Without Benefits

“You’re out of your mind.”  
“Thanks.” Rae gave her friend a dirty look.  
“You know what I meant. You shouldn’t travel hours away just to meet someone you only know from the Internet!” said Chloe.  
“You make it sound like he’s some random creeper,” said Rae. “Did you forget that Chop knows him?”  
“No, I didn’t forget.” Chloe rolled her eyes. “It’s just that you don’t even know what he looks like. His Facebook photo is a bird.”  
“So?”  
“So it means he’s probably…you know…ugly.”  
Rae frowned. “What should that matter? I told ya, we’re just friends.”  
“Right, you’re ‘friends’ even though you’ve never met him.”  
“One, online friends are still friends, and two, you said I was out of my mind for going to meet him tomorrow. I can’t win!”  
“I stand by my position that it’s a bad idea. Not that I think he’s going to murder you or anything, just that it’s really weird.”  
“Noted.”  
“Besides,” Chloe continued, “it’s so obvious that you like him, it’s annoying.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“You talk to him every day. And then, when you’re not talking to him, you’re talking to me about him.”  
“That doesn’t mean that I like him,” Rae said defensively. “We just have a lot in common to talk about. Just because you don’t know how to be friends with a guy doesn’t mean that I can’t.”  
“Fine, Rae. Whatever. Have fun with the most awkward encounter of your life.”  
***  
Rae had started talking to this guy, Finn, online a couple of months ago after getting into a heated argument with him about music on one of Chop’s Facebook posts, as he was a mutual friend of theirs. Chop had moved to Stamford from York, where he had been friends with Finn for years.  
Rae and Finn’s conversation quickly moved to messages after Chop complained, and they had been chatting daily ever since.  
She couldn’t recall whose idea it was to finally meet up in person, but somehow she found herself on a train to York one Saturday morning, despite her best friend’s unsolicited advice not to go.  
Rae had even considered not going, partly for safety concerns and partly because she liked their friendship the way it was. Yes, Chloe was probably right that she had a crush on him, but she felt secure knowing that nothing could happen if they never met. Then again, nothing could happen if they never met…  
***  
Rae examined her reflection in the window of the train. She felt like an idiot. She was wearing a fit-and-flare geometric print dress that she’d gotten to attend a casual summer wedding last year, but she’d gained a bit of weight since then and her now larger chest made the décolletage less than demure. It was the only semi-dressy dress she had though.  
Not that she was dressing up for Finn, exactly. Two days before her planned visit, they’d been chatting and somehow came up with the idea that it would be funny to get dressed up and just walk around town in the middle of the day. She realized now, though, that they hadn’t discussed it again, and worried that he had forgotten about it and would just be wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and she would look like a twat.  
But there was nothing she could do about that now.  
***  
Finn had given her his address, and Rae was able to walk there from the railway station. She double-checked the address on her phone before knocking on the dark blue front door, which she couldn’t help but think looked like a TARDIS.  
An adult man answered and she worried that she had gotten the wrong address. “Are you Rae?” he asked with a grin, and suddenly she was afraid that she had been unknowingly chatting with some old pervert this whole time.  
“Um…” She took a couple steps back.  
“I told you to let me answer the door!” said a younger voice from behind the man in front of her. He stepped aside and apologized as the owner of the younger voice approached the doorway.  
She was a bit relieved to see that Finn had remembered their plan—he wore dress slacks with a button-down shirt and a tie. (And he wore it well.)  
She was panicking, though. Her “cute boy” alarm was going off in her head and she glanced around looking for an escape route. She couldn’t believe this was the guy she’d been talking to for all this time. She probably wouldn’t have ever talked to him if she had known what he looked like. She was hoping he’d be ugly, like her. How could they have anything in common?  
“You are Rae, though, right?” he said. “I’m so bad at recognizing people from those little profile pictures.”  
“Uh, yeah,” said Rae nervously.  
“Sorry about my dad. He can be a bit much.” He took a step forward onto the front step and shut the door behind him. “I’d invite you in but he’d talk your ear off.”  
She watched as he walked past her and onto the street before following him. They had walked a couple of blocks in excruciating silence when he finally spoke again.  
“So, how are you?”  
“Fine,” she replied quietly. Chloe had been right; this was possibly the most awkward encounter of Rae’s life. She couldn’t believe she’d traveled two-and-a-half hours for this.  
“So…” Finn said again after several more minutes of silence. “Do you like trains?”  
“What?”  
“We could go to the National Railway Museum. That’s…something.”  
“Uh, if you like.”  
“Only if you’d like to.”  
“I’m not really into trains.”  
“Okay.”  
More silence. The silence was so unbearable, in fact, that they found themselves at the National Railway Museum fifteen minutes later.  
Some of it wasn’t so bad. Rae had never been underneath a train before, so that was sort of cool. She was also surprised at how interested Finn was in all of this—it was clear he had been there more than once before.  
“Come on, you have to see this,” he said, taking her by the hand and leading her towards a bright yellow steam locomotive.  
As they made their way through the large hall, it struck her that they must look so strange there, dressed up and holding hands like they were on a date. At the Railway Museum.  
He continued to hold onto her hand as he told her about the replica of Stephenson’s _Rocket_ , built in 1829. Clearly he was fascinated by this stuff.  
They ate lunch at the museum’s Dining Car Restaurant, where the tables were done up to look like Victorian dining cars.  
“I like your dress, by the way,” he said to her as they ate.  
She looked down at her dress for a second and realized that all he could see of it while she was seated was her upper body, where her boobs were nearly spilling out.  
“Cool pattern,” he added.  
***  
After the museum, Rae and Finn wandered aimlessly around town for a bit, chatting like they’d known each other forever, until he walked her to the railway station.  
“Message me when you get home, yeah?” he said to her, as the train was about to arrive.  
“I’ll message you on the way, you idiot,” she said with a laugh.  
“Oh, right.” He laughed as well and then shrugged his shoulders. “Laters, then,” he said before going in for a hug, which surprised her.  
“Yeah. Laters.”  
He smiled at her warmly before walking away.  
Once she was settled on the train, she checked her phone and found that she had already received a message from Finn.  
“LOL. Some old lady just asked me how long I’d been with my girlfriend,” it read.  
Rae felt her chest tighten. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend???” she responded.  
“I think she meant you. She thought we made a cute couple.”  
“Did you correct her?”  
“Nah. People can think whatever they want.”  
But what was Rae supposed to think?  
***  
A couple of weeks passed before the summer holidays, and Rae continued talking to Finn everyday, only this time she could hear his voice in her head with everything he wrote. Sometimes she looked at the selfies they had taken together on her phone to imagine he was there talking to her in person.  
But he soon would be. He was coming down to Lincolnshire to visit Chop in a few days, so she figured she’d get a chance to see him then.  
“I expect you to take me to all the interesting sights in Stamford when I get there,” he messaged her.  
“What, like you did for me?”  
“Hey, that museum was cool.”  
“I’m afraid all we’ve got is a pub and a bowling alley.”  
“Drunk bowling. Brilliant!”  
“I suppose you’ll be spending most of your time with Chop, though.”  
“I’m sure he’d like drunk bowling too.”  
“LOL”  
But she wasn’t laughing out loud.  
Instead she felt a pang of jealousy that she was going to have to share him with other people. At the same time, she was afraid to be alone with him because she was uncertain of her feelings towards him. Were they more than just friendly feelings?  
***  
The next time Rae saw Finn was at the pub, surrounded by her friends, which was not her ideal situation. She didn’t know how to act with him around other people.  
He and Chop were the last to arrive, and Chop introduced him to the gang.  
“That’s Chloe, and Izzy,” he said. “And of course you know Raemundo over here.” He slapped her on the back.  
“Hey,” said Finn, giving them all a small wave. He flashed Rae a tight smile as he sat down.  
“So, Finn,” Chloe said as she leaned forward on the table—Rae couldn’t help but suspect it was to show off more cleavage. “Tell us about yourself.”  
“Not much to tell, really,” he said with a nervous laugh.  
“You tell Rae lots of things.”  
He glanced at Rae. “We usually just talk about music and stuff.”  
“And stuff” meant pretty much everything. They talked about school and TV shows, of course—normal stuff—but then they also had running jokes about weasels that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else.  
Chloe asked a few more prying questions which he answered as vaguely as possible. Rae had never really thought of him as being a reserved person, though; he would tell her absolutely _anything_.  
One time he sent her a message just to tell her he was eating a sandwich, including the details of what was in that sandwich, without her asking. He told her about his parents’ divorce, about breaking his arm as a child, about his first kiss—he was twelve and the girl had been dared to kiss him, which he found less than flattering.  
Then again, there were plenty of things that she had told him about herself that she wouldn’t tell just anyone. She’d even told him about the time she spent in hospital last year for her mental illness. (Chloe was the only other one of her friends who knew about that.)  
He seemed different around everyone than when he was just talking to her, online or in person. He was shy, even, though he would cast her the occasional smile as he was bombarded by questions.  
***  
Not only were Chop and Finn the last to arrive, but they were the first to leave, heading back to Chop’s house for the night. They were barely out the door before Chloe threw in her two cents.  
“Why didn’t you tell us he was so fit?” she said to Rae.  
Rae shrugged. “He’s alright, I guess. But what does it matter?”  
“Are you tellin’ me there’s nothing going on between ya?”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“Come on, Rae,” said Izzy. “You so like each other!”  
“It did seem like the two of you were hiding something, the way he kept smiling at you,” Chloe added.  
“We’re friends! That’s it!” Rae snapped, but wondered if maybe there was something more there. If her friends could see it, maybe it was true…  
***  
Finn wasn’t online for most of the evening, so Rae didn’t hear from him until nearly midnight.  
“So…” he wrote. “Today was something.”  
“I’m sorry about my friends,” she replied.  
“It’s alright. I had fun.”  
“They are so weird. They think there’s something going on between us.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like we’re dating.” She chewed on her thumbnail anxiously as she waited for his response. (“Maybe we should be,” she hoped he might say.)  
“Hah, that’s ridiculous,” he said after a couple of minutes.  
Her stomach twisted itself into a knot. “Yeah, so stupid.”  
“Some people don’t get that guys and girls can just be friends,” he added.  
“Exactly.” Her throat felt sore like it did when she was about to cry.  
“I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.”  
“Night.” She dropped her phone on her bed and broke into tears.  
***  
Rae and Finn had agreed to spend the next day hanging around town together—but that plan had been made before Rae’s midnight breakdown. She wasn’t sure she was up to facing him on her own, but he showed up at her house right on time, greeting her with a hug.  
“Should we call up the others and see if they want to hang out with us?” she asked as he came in.  
“I hope you don’t mind, but I thought maybe it could just be the two of us today,” he said.  
“Yeah, that’s cool.” She folded her arms self-consciously. “So what did you wanna do?”  
He shrugged. “Whatever you wanna do.”  
That probably wasn’t true, seeing as she sort of wanted to put her face on his face, and he would think that was ridiculous.  
Instead she suggested they go for a walk, but ten minutes in it started pissing rain. So they decided to catch a bus to the nearest shopping centre and walk around indoors for a while.  
They wandered into a department store, meandering through the departments without really looking at anything. Finn stopped, however, to pick up a large yellow mug in the dishware department.  
“This,” he said, holding it up proudly, “is a nice mug.”  
“Okay,” said Rae, giving him a skeptical look.  
“It’s a good size so you get a fair amount of tea, and it’s got a nice heft to it. Feel it.” He handed it to her and she waved it around a bit to feel the weight of it.  
“Yeah, not bad.”  
“Excuse me,” said a salesclerk as she approached them. “Do you two need help with anything?”  
Rae was worried they were going to get in trouble for handling the mugs. “Just looking,” she said as she set it back down.  
“Well, just let me know if you need anything or if you want to open a gift registry,” said the salesclerk before she walked away.  
Finn and Rae exchanged glances and burst into giggles as they left the store. Did the salesclerk think they were looking to register for wedding gifts?  
“I guess you’re my fiancée now?” he said.  
“Three weeks ago I was your girlfriend and now I’m your fiancée?” she joked. “You sure move fast, Nelson.”  
“Well, you know, you’ve gotta strike while the iron is hot.” He made a chopping motion in the air with his hand and she laughed.  
“So, Fiancée,” he added, holding onto her hand. “Should we get some lunch?”  
Her heart raced and she could feel her palm getting sweaty in his hand, but she just smiled and said, “I think we should, Fiancé.”  
***  
“Hey, Fiancée, what’s up?” Finn wrote to Rae the next morning. “You gonna see me before I leave?”  
“You can stop calling me Fiancée,” she replied.  
“Alright, Fifi. What’s up?”  
“WTF is Fifi?”  
“Short for Fiancée.”  
“Whatever. What time is your train?”  
“4pm out of Peterborough, Fifi.”  
“Is Chop driving you over?”  
“Yeah. We can stop by yours to say goodbye, though. Fifi.”  
“Sure, Fifi.”  
***  
Finn came by Rae’s house just after three. He double-checked with her that she was still on for coming to visit him again next week. She had almost forgotten that she’d agreed to that the last time she was there. She was going to be staying a couple of nights while his dad was out of town so they could drink and hog the TV. (She didn’t tell her mum about the lack of parental supervision, of course.)  
He offered her a goodbye hug on the doorstep, which she accepted hesitantly.  
“Oi, lovebirds!” said Chop from his car. “Let’s get a move on. Raemundo, you coming with us to the station?”  
“No, that’s alright,” she called back to him.  
“Well, I’ll talk to you in about two minutes,” Finn said to her with a smile, holding up his phone. “Later, Fifi.”  
“Laters.”  
***  
In less than a week, Rae was knocking on the blue TARDIS door once again, this time with an overnight bag in hand. She was nervous, though, as her friends had given her a hard time about going, saying that it didn’t seem like they were just friends anymore. But Finn had been adamant that their speculation was ludicrous and unfounded.  
That, however, didn’t stop her from wearing one of her more low-cut tops, since she had gotten the impression that he didn’t mind the view so much. (If anyone asked, she was going to blame the unseasonably warm summer they were having.)  
“Hey, Feef,” said Finn when he answered the door. “How was the trip?”  
“Oh, you know,” she said as he took her bag and led her inside. “The usual. Boring.”  
“Well, here’s something that’s not boring,” he said, handing her a beer before picking up his own as they walked through the kitchen.  
“I guess we’re starting early.”  
“No rules today, Rae!” He grinned at her as they made their way past the lounge to the staircase leading up to the bedrooms. “Here, I’ll show you the guest room where you’ll be staying.”  
“A guest room? Fancy.”  
“It’s also my dad’s study, but there’ s a bed in there, and he won’t be needing it tonight, obviously.”  
She followed him into the room, which had a bed on one side and a set of bookcases with a desk on the other. He set her bag on the bed and sat down, taking a swig of his beer.  
“Are we hanging out in here then?” she asked, spinning the unopened beer can in her hands.  
“I just thought you’d want to unpack first.” He gestured to the small chest of drawers next to the bed.  
“And you thought you were going to just sit there and watch me unpack all my underwear and that?”  
He smiled like a kid hearing a dirty joke for the first time, half amused and half embarrassed. “I’ll just be waiting downstairs, then,” he said as he got up and crossed the room.  
She sat on the bed once he left. The mattress was not very comfortable, she thought, and it creaked when she sat on it. She could just imagine the sort of restless night she was going to have trying to sleep there.  
She emptied her overnight bag next to her, and started to sort out her clothing from her pyjamas from her toothbrush, as she had just thrown it all in last-minute. It was then she realized she’d forgotten her shampoo, so she was going to have to use Finn’s. She just hoped it wasn’t man scented.  
After putting all her stuff away, she caught up with him downstairs where he was channel-surfing on the couch.  
“There’s nothing good on,” he said after a good thirty seconds of silence. “Let’s just watch something downloaded.”  
He switched the television input to auxiliary and went over to the computer in the corner of the room to boot it up. He opened a folder of pirated television shows and told her to pick one.  
“Why do you have a show called _Secret Diary of a Call Girl_?” she asked skeptically, figuring it was something pornographic.  
“I went through a Billie Piper phase,” he said with a laugh. “You’d probably like it, though. It’s about this call girl who’s trying to balance her personal and professional lives.”  
“Is there…sex in it?”  
“That’s not all it is, but yeah there’s some, if that bothers you.“  
“It doesn’t bother me!” she said defensively. She now regretted that she ever told him how she’d never had sex. (But that was before they’d met, and sometimes it’s easier to tell personal things to a stranger on the Internet.)  
Her palms got sweaty as they watched, however, and she shifted uneasily in her seat. She would occasionally glance at Finn during some of the sexier scenes, but he was completely stone-faced, and she was unable to tell what he was thinking or if he was as uncomfortable as she was.  
One time he caught her looking at him.  
“Do you need something?” he asked sincerely. “Another drink?”  
“Uh, yeah, sure,” she said. She was rather parched, anyway.  
She averted her eyes quickly when he stood up and she realized she was eye-level with his crotch. He came back moments later with another beer and a glass of water, and she thanked him, trying not to make eye contact with his crotch again as he came to sit down next to her.  
They stayed up to finish watching the entire first series before bed. Rae followed Finn upstairs and went into the guest room to get her toothbrush. After brushing her teeth, she stayed up in bed, checking her social media on her phone.  
“Pancakes tomorrow morning?” Finn said to her in a message.  
“Sure,” she replied. “Go to sleep.”  
“Goodnight, Fifi.”  
***  
Rae wasn’t used to having an East-facing window in the morning, so the sunlight coming in woke her up earlier than usual. She figured she’d take the opportunity to get a quick shower in.  
She picked up the towel that had been left on the dresser for her and gathered up her change of clothes to take into the bathroom. The door was closed when she got there, however, and she was about to turn back when Finn stepped out, nearly bumping into her.  
She felt her face flush when she noticed he was in just a towel. His hair was still wet and dripped water down his chest.  
“Sorry,” he said, holding onto her shoulders. “I didn’t realize you were right there.”  
“’S’alright,” she said, clutching her clothing and towel close to her chest.  
He let her through to the bathroom where she showered quickly, using an unscented shampoo she found. It wasn’t until after her shower that she remembered she didn’t bring a hairbrush or comb either, so her hair was just going to have to air-dry into a tangled mess.  
By the time she got dressed and came downstairs, Finn had already made the first batch of pancakes—they were the thin kind with lemon and sugar, the way she liked them.  
“How’d you sleep?” he asked as he handed her a plate.  
“Terribly,” she said with a laugh. “That mattress is horrible.”  
He laughed as well. “Yeah, it’s super old.”  
“I might be better off sleeping on the couch tonight.”  
“If you like.”  
They discussed their plans for the day, which included more wandering around aimlessly, and more drinking.  
***  
They did part of their drinking at the pub, where Finn said they never checked ID, and met up with his friend, Archie. Cute guys must travel in herds, Rae thought, because Archie was no slouch either.  
She learned that Archie dabbled in music, and often played on Open Mic nights at the pub, which unfortunately was not this night.  
“You’ll just have to come back some other time, then,” he said with a smile.  
“I guess I will.” Rae couldn’t help but think he was flirting with her, and wondered if maybe she actually had a chance with him since they weren’t already friends.  
“Is he seeing anyone at the moment?” she asked Finn as they were headed back to his house.  
“Who? Archie? Not that I know of.”  
“That’s…interesting.”  
“Is it?”  
“We seemed to get along well, just sayin’.”  
“Yeah, well, I don’t think you’re exactly his type.”  
Her gut started to heave with embarrassment. “What does that mean?”  
“He’s not the kind of person who’d be interested in someone like you…”  
“You mean someone who’s fat?”  
“What? No, I mean—“  
“Am I too big and loud, is that it?”  
“It’s got nothing to do with you, alright?”  
“How can me not being his type have nothing to do with me?”  
“That’s for him to tell you, not me. Can we change the subject, now?”  
“Fine.”  
The thought that Archie might not like her because she was too fat wasn’t what bothered her—she was more concerned that it was the reason Finn didn’t like her more than as a friend.  
***  
“I think I’ll just go to bed early,” Rae said when they returned to Finn’s.  
“I thought we were going to watch bad game shows and do shots, remember?” said Finn, following her through the kitchen.  
“Maybe some other time.”  
“But we hardly get to hang out together, and you leave in the morning.”  
“I know, but—“  
“Look, we can do something else if you like,” he said as he held onto her hand to keep her from walking away.  
There was one thing she’d like to do, but he definitely wouldn’t go for that.  
She let out a sigh and said, “Fine, we’ll do the game show thing.”  
Several shots later, Rae was finding it difficult to focus on what was happening on the television, partly due to her inebriation, and partly due to the fact that Finn was snuggled up against her. His head was resting on her chest with her arm around his shoulder.  
“You’re soft,” he said contentedly. “And warm.”  
“Uh, thanks, I guess.”  
He wrapped his arm around her middle to hug her, so she patted him on the head uncertainly.  
“I love you,” he sighed, nuzzling into her chest.  
“Okay, you’re really drunk,” she said with a laugh. “Maybe it’s time to go to bed.”  
“Just ten more minutes like this, ‘kay?”  
***  
Rae woke up with a pain in the side of her neck, only to discover that she’d fallen asleep on Finn’s couch—with his head in her lap. She tried to move him without waking him so she could get up to use the toilet, but it didn’t work.  
He woke up just as confused as she was at first. “Ugh, what time is it?” he asked once he’d finally figured out where he was.  
“Quarter to eight.”  
“So early.”  
“Yeah, but my train leaves in about an hour.”  
“I guess that means I should get up now.” He sat up and rubbed his head. “Sorry for falling asleep on ya.”  
“It’s fine,” she said. “It kind of funny, actually; you were all hugging me and stuff last night.” She regretted mentioning it instantly, but chuckled to hide her discomfort.  
“Oh yeah, sorry again. I get kind of cuddly when I drink. My friends are just used to it by now.”  
Ah, so he was just treating her how he treated all his friends. She wasn’t special.  
“I’m going to grab a quick shower and pack up my things,” she said, getting up to go upstairs.  
“Hey, is it alright if I don’t walk you to the railway station?” he added before she could leave.  
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m a big girl.” She tried to hide her disappointment as she headed up the staircase.  
***  
Rae told Chloe and Izzy about her trip, and they both agreed that it seemed as though Finn like-liked her.  
“Unless he’s just trying to bait you,” said Chloe.  
“What?”  
“Maybe he wants you to think he likes you so that you’ll like him,” she explained. “And then he gets the benefits from that without the investment.”  
“What benefits? The only ‘benefit’ of me liking him is that my hands get sweaty when he holds them!” said Rae.  
“Didn’t you say you let him rest his head on your boob?”  
“Well, yeah…”  
“He could be exploiting your feelings for him to get something without having to actually… you know…” Chloe looked her friend up and down.  
“No, I don’t know.”  
“I’m not saying it’s right, but some guys don’t want people to think they like…bigger girls.”  
“Chloe!” Izzy exclaimed. “Rae, don’t listen to her, you’re a fox.”  
“You know I think you’re beautiful, babes,” Chloe said to Rae quickly. “But teenage guys are shallow and they’re told that it’s weird for them to like bigger girls. I wish it weren’t the case, but it is.”  
Rae nodded slowly, trying not to cry in front of her friends. “I understand.”  
***  
“Fifi, where are you?” Finn messaged Rae after she hadn’t talked to him for over a day. “I’m getting worried.”  
“I’ve been busy,” she finally replied.  
“Are you mad at me?”  
She didn’t respond.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t walk you to the station. I had a really bad headache,” he added.  
“It’s not that.”  
“What’s wrong, then?”  
“It’s nothing, just… My friends still think there’s something going on between us.” She took a deep breath before continuing to type. “And sometimes I wonder if they’re right.”  
Three little dots appeared indicating that Finn was writing a response, but it took nearly five minutes. “We know ourselves better than they do.”  
What was that supposed to mean?  
“I’ve had this problem before,” he continued. “A lot of my friends are girls, and people always think there’s either something going on between us, or that I’m gay.”  
“Are you?” That would explain a lot, actually.  
“Not that it matters, but no.”  
Rae was cross now. At the very least, he’d made her feel like their friendship was something special, but it turned out he was like this with lots of girls.  
“You still there, Fifi?” he asked after several minutes.  
“Stop calling me that! Why are you always talking to me, anyway? Aren’t you sick of me yet?”  
“LOL no.”  
“Well, maybe I’m sick of you.” She felt like she was going to throw up.  
“What are you saying?”  
“Bye.”  
In a fit of anger and pain, she blocked him from her messaging app, blocked him from all her social media, and deleted his number from her phone. She even deleted all the photos she had of him, and started crying.  
She was done.  
***  
Six months went by without a word from Finn. He’d tried to use Chop as an intermediary at first, but Rae told Chop she could only be his friend if he never mentioned Finn around her again. Since Chop was now dating Izzy, he felt inclined to oblige.  
Until one day he brought her a letter, that is.  
Chop showed up at her doorstep with an envelope in his hands and told her to read it.  
“What is it?” she asked as she took it from him.  
“It’s from Finn,” he answered. “I know I’m not supposed to mention him to you, but I really think you two need to sort this mess out.”  
“Fine.” She went to close the door, but he stopped her.  
“Read it right now, while I’m standing here.”  
“But—“  
“Now, Raemundo!”  
She huffed and opened the letter.  
_Rae, I’m sorry. I don’t know exactly what I did to upset you, but please know it wasn’t my intention. (I suppose it had something to do with me being a dickhead.)  
I’m guessing the reason you cut me out was because you knew I had a crush on you and that made you uncomfortable. And I didn’t say anything about it because I didn’t want to lose our friendship, but then I lost it anyway.  
I miss you, Rae. I miss talking to you everyday, I miss visiting with you and watching telly with you and going for walks with you. I want to be your friend again. I don’t want my feelings for you get in the way of what we had.  
I understand if you never want to speak to me again, but I hope you’ll reconsider.  
-Finn_  
Rae examined the envelope and then looked at Chop. “There’s no postage on this. He gave this to you himself?”  
He nodded guiltily.  
“So, what now, do I write a letter for you to take to him, or…?”  
“Or you could tell him yourself.”  
“What, go all the way to—“  
“Finn!” Chop called out behind him.  
Finn appeared from around the corner with an apologetic look on his face.  
Rae felt her stomach sink with guilt, thinking about the way she had just cut him off for six months, and yet here he was, at her doorstep.  
Chop stepped out of the way so Finn could get closer and talk to her.  
“Can we be friends?”  
“I don’t want to be your friend,” she said solemnly.  
“Oh.” His expression saddened. “Okay.”  
“No, I mean, I—I like you, Finn. So I can’t just be your friend anymore.”  
He perked up a little. “So, does this mean…we should…?”  
“Just kiss ‘er already!” Chop hollered from the driveway.  
Finn and Rae exchanged glances before laughing, and she led him by the hand inside the house, away from Chop’s prying eyes.  
“Is it true what you wrote?” she said. “That you had a crush on me?”  
He shook his head. “Not past tense.”  
A smile crept across her face. “What now, then?”


End file.
